"Not Your Average Mother Goose" - Imperfection Lives Here

It is no surprise that moms everywhere are struggling right now due to the current state of the pandemic. Feelings of loneliness and isolation have skyrocketed. It is important now more than ever to talk about how we’re going through, so that other’s don’t feel alone.

In 2019, I was entering month 7 of my pregnancy. I had never heard of prenatal depression (also called antenatal depression). I was sitting alone in a hospital meeting room when I first heard my diagnosis. For months I knew that I was not well. I couldn’t sleep when given the opportunity, I felt uncomfortable in my own skin, worry and dread constantly swarmed me, and I was plagued by nightmares and intrusive thoughts. Those thoughts kept telling me that I’m not ready to be a mother and it’s definitely not possible that I’ll be a good mother. Hearing that I was suffering with prenatal depression made me feel like I was failing at being a mother, before I had even had the chance to become one. I felt alone, and isolated. I thought that no one could relate to what I was going through so I didn’t discuss it with anyone. I went on continuing to let those thoughts in my head get bigger and bigger as I closely approached my due date.

After the delivery of my son, it was clear that those thoughts and fears weren’t going away but instead were exacerbated further by learning how to care for a newborn, sleep deprivation and breastfeeding issues. Fast forward 3 months and now I had to deal with a global pandemic on top of debilitating postpartum depression. This was a new feeling of isolation. Surely, I thought, that I can’t be the only new mom who is going through these struggles.

Something in me was craving a sense of community, one where I could be completely honest about how I was feeling in my new role. I reached out to the internet for answers. Soon I found other women’s stories who had been through similar experiences. I could see right in front of my eyes that I’m not alone. It was very reassuring to hear that I was going through is so common. I found out that 1 in 7 women experience postpartum depression and that number is even higher at 1 in 4 right now during the pandemic. Hearing these women’s narratives empowered me to tell my own. I started an Instagram page called Not Your Average Mother Goose in attempts to get the word out there that I am one of many that have dealt with this perinatal mental illness. My goal was to reach mothers who are struggling to let them know they aren’t alone. I’ve learned that honest and vulnerable story telling is such a powerful point of connection. When we can relate to others in a meaningful way, we create a safe space for those feelings to exist and then they don’t seem as scary.

Having a community of Mothers who truly understand what you’re going through and who support you was life changing for me. The fog started to lift, I was able to have more compassion for myself and I became more confident as a mother and after 2 years I can say that I am healed from my postpartum journey. I am so thankful that I made the brave decision of sharing my story and now I’m grateful that I get to help so many women who are suffering. If you are going through something, please try and find your “people”. Search for others who can talk to you about your thoughts and feelings. I know it’s scary to let someone in, but connection is so important in the healing process.

If you are struggling with any symptoms of a perinatal mood disorder, please reach out to your primary health care provider to seek help. Therapy, medication and peer support can be valuable tools in supporting your mental health. If you need help navigating this illness, please visit Postpartum Support International’s web page.