“Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art. it has no survival value: rather it is one of those things that give value to survival” – C.S. Lewis
Have you ever taken the time to do an inventory of the people that surround you or the people you call your “friends”? What does it mean to you for someone to be your friend? Is it because they are nice to us, good listeners and are very supportive? What makes someone a friend, a good friend or what takes them to that next level of best friend?
In friendships we need to value ourselves and the other person. Loving ourselves enough to know what we deserve and having respect for the other person, we also have to keep in mind that as much as we deserve better, so do they. We also have to remember not to take advantage of the kindness and love shown to us at the expense of those who show it. Friendship is reciprocal, giving and taking, having that balance between the two.
“As iron sharpens iron, so does a friend”. Having someone who drives you to be the best version of yourself, encourages you and reminds you not to compromise your values or integrity over anything, is a beautiful gift. A friend is someone you can relate to in one or many ways. You share beliefs, hobbies, likes and dislikes; and are there for each other in times of need.
How do you know if someone is your friend? It will take patience and time to know someone’s true
character and to find out if their values and interests align with yours.
A true friendship should consist of the following:
- Honesty
- Reciprocation
- Forgiveness
- Encouragement
- Shared interests
- Trust
- Kindness
- Pure intentions
- Growth to both people becoming better versions of themselves
Some friendships are only meant to last for a season. It is important to acknowledge that some friends will be in our lives for a specific purpose and when certain friendships end, we can still appreciate them for what they were. You find yourself working on a service project, bond with some people, share your lives and lots of laughter and good times but that doesn’t mean those friendships will last. Some friendships will help you through a tough time, motivate you in a gym class, provide guidance, spiritually, emotionally or physically when you need it most. Others will last for a few months or a few years serving a very specific purpose and then end when that purpose has been fulfilled. With no wrongdoing on anyone’s part the friendship comes to an end and that’s okay.
In life we spend too much time chasing after people that don’t care about us and neglecting those who deserve our time because we take them for granted. We have to normalize letting go of “friendships” that no longer serve us and be careful of who we call our friends. It may hurt to feel used or to let go of someone you thought was a true friend, but dust off your shoulders and move on. Remind yourself of the great characteristics you have, see yourself through the eyes of the people who love you, lean on those who care about you and with time you will start to feel better.
Taking the time to reflect on our friendships can show us that some friendships should have been left in college. Just because we have known each other for over ten years doesn’t mean we have to continue a friendship that has run its course. As we grow, we can find that our goals and values no longer align, however, because of the time and energy investment in the friendship we find it hard to let go. We don’t think of the continuous fruitless investment we are making now, constantly draining our energy with little return in value. When you start to see a friendship draining you, you dread spending time with the other person or you just don’t have much to talk about anymore, these could be indicators it’s time to let go of that friendship.
For those true friendships that have lasted through the test of time, where your values align, you enjoy spending time together and you are always there for each other in good and bad times, hold on to them for all the good reasons. It is important to surround ourselves with people who uplift us, love and value us and inspire us to reach our full potential. When you find that, hold on to that friendship. Make the time to feed the friendship so it can grow, catch up, actively listen, spend time together and be each other’s support system. Life can get busy and in the way of good friendships, we get caught up in our own lives and forget to check in on our friends. They need us just as much as we need them. Let’s appreciate the friends that overlook our brokenness and admire our beauty, the friends that are open and honest even when it hurts, the friends that will go out of their way to spend time with us, the friends that teach us about the world and about yourself. Not every person we connect with can enter this friend category, but we must cherish those few that do.
This week we challenge you to call a friend that you haven’t talked to in the last month and check in on them.
