We work the same schedule, sometimes, I give you a ride, and occasionally we grab a coffee together on break, does that automatically make us friends? A friend is a person who has a strong liking for and trust in another (Thesaurus). On the other hand, coworkers are defined as fellow workers, most of us misappropriate the word friend and we give it to people we barely know just because as full-timers, we spend at least a third of our waking hours at work. Some people may spend more time with coworkers than family over a year and some do find their friends at work. There are also, some instances where we just want to work and not mix up the two worlds. Yes, we can talk about our personal lives on the surface but I don’t need the deep and dark. It doesn’t always have to get that deep. It is something we have to navigate carefully given that we don’t get to choose our coworkers. I will admit I have made some good friends that I still talk to even after we all left the company where we met. However, when it comes to coworkers, I always practice setting boundaries and accepting that it’s not all about bonding because of proximity.
Organizations will want people to believe that you are supposed to be best friends with your coworkers, but don’t let it mislead you. When you start to look at your coworkers as friends, you start expecting too much from them. At work, people are there to earn a living and most people just won’t sacrifice a paycheck for your friendship. When we have unrealistic expectations and a one-sided friendship starts to form, you are riding a slippery slope of getting your feelings hurt and even compromising your job. Stay professional and yes, have a good time with people at work within your boundaries. See them as professional relationships. Nothing more, nothing less.
If a genuine friendship does build with a co-worker, let it happen slowly and organically over time. No need to force things. Establishing clear boundaries with coworkers early on is very important. This can look like making an agreement with work friends about keeping personal information private and outside the workplace. Avoid getting into deep conversations about personal matters at the office and keep conversations professional. This will help to separate your relationship with your colleagues during the day and as confidants after work hours. Once you do find people you click with, always remain cordial with everyone on your team. You may also run into a situation where you are trying to build a friendship with someone who just isn’t interested. Respect their decision and accept that some people are not interested in making friends at work and there is nothing wrong with that. Join community events that speak to you, there you have better chances of meeting people that like the same things you like then you can be able to build a relationship based on same interests, reciprocation and trust that builds over time.
Unsurprisingly, some friendships come to an end. Whether you have a falling out with your work friend or start feeling that the relationship is no longer mutually beneficial, it might even get to the extent that it affects your job. Try not to let it and this can be done by remaining professional, take the high road and don’t bring the drama to the office. Being petty with a co-worker reflects badly on you and can show your manager that you are incapable of handling difficult situations, and it just creates an uncomfortable situation for everyone.
Having friends at work can make all the difference on how you approach your job in a more positive manner. As long as you proceed with caution and always remember to be professional. Also, take the time to know people beyond your professional lives to assess if they have all the qualities you would want in a friend instead of assuming based on the same work hours, carpooling, the occasional coffee…that’s called being nice which we owe everybody but when it comes to friends that’s a different story.
Stay tuned for more to come on our relationship series.
